50 Shades of I don’t want to live on this planet anymore

So I’m going to jump on the bandwagon and talk about 50 Shades of Grey by E.L. James. Ironically, opinions about this book are rather black and white, and I am going to be one of those people who are on the rather negative side.

Before I start, I would like to congratulate E.L. James on publishing a fan fiction made up of what used to be the worst thing that happened to literature and her own fantasies, which, being what they are, should’ve been kept inside her head. And I lied about not starting yet, because I would like to dive right into it: Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, because E.L. James’ fantasies are raping erryone’s brains out there. Unfortunately it’s not rape if you enjoy it, and to be very harsh, the worst thing about this book is that people like it. Well not the worst, because there are many things about 50 Shades of Grey that are the worst, like being the fastest selling paper back since Harry Potter. Those two things shouldn’t even be in the same universe, let alone the same sentence.

Usually I like to have pictures and videos dispersed throughout my post that relates to the topic, but the topic causes me so much physical pain that I’m just going to leave this video here that has two things that I love: cats, and Ellen.

To be completely honest, I have never read the book myself, and I don’t even read erotica, which makes my points less credible and I just sound like someone who’s on the bandwagon of being pissed off at something that a lot of people are pissed off at. I’m also not even famous, and I’ve never published an entire book, so that makes me even less trustworthy, but there are some things that might help:

Sweaters For Days and Moves Like Jagger: A blog by writer Jennifer Armintrout, with this part specifically dedicated to 50 shades of grey recaps, and no I’m no longer going to be italicizing the book or capitalizing it because it’s really just a fanfic.

And here is a video by Alex Day of Chameleon Circuit on the same topic, in which he makes some excellent points:

I don’t want to publish this post riding (haha that’s an unintentional pun that makes me want to vomit slightly) on the words of other, funnier, and more successful people than me, so I will say that from my perspective as a prospective writer, I am terrified that this is allowed to be a published book! I would be completely fine with it if it was this incredibly popular fan fiction, but that it stayed free and stayed online, but now it’s clogging up our bookstores, taking up the top sellers list, like so:

What has happened to the world of reading? The entire trilogy of E.L. James’ fantasies are in the top two of Chapter’s most popular books, and there’s definitely something not quite right with that. Might I also point out that in 10th place is a boxed set of the Hunger Games trilogy, all of which have already made their appearance in the top 10? There should be some sort of rules with what they put on these shelves.

Just for a measure of what the entire top seller’s list is like at Chapters:

#12: this isn’t even a book.

#14: …

Again, RULES.

I guess instead of a specific rant on 50 shades, this is just a post about how little hope I have left for humanity. I am sitting here with a choice.  I could either choose good, and write real literature, with original characters, conveying an actual story about issues that I see around me in the world. This will require hard work, research, days of pulling my hair out and crying myself to sleep and getting rejected by publisher after publisher before I actually get anywhere. On the other hard I could choose evil, and write what I know people want to read just so I can get my hands on some cash and a lot of fame, and expand boundaries of acceptable social conduct, creating chaos within homes, and breaking the shackles holding back the monsters that live within each of us. And I won’t care if people hate me because I’ll be so rich I won’t hear the hate through my soundproof mansion made up of wads of cash.

So in conclusion E.L. James wants to take over the world with an army of masochistic, sadistic, horny animals created through subtle subliminal messaging.

for fear of my own personal safety.

Should I remind you that she has two teenage sons? Highschool is already tough enough …

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: