ARTING @#!$%

I don’t know if I’m the only one who feels this, or if it’s simply because of the people around me, but I’m constantly stressed out and frustrated when it comes to taking time off to do art. I’m not a full time artist, I’m not even a professional artist, and I don’t have the money to pay for art school, but I’m still in love with drawing, so the only way for me to improve is to take personal time to practice drawing. Ultimately I’d like to one day make drawing and illustrating my profession, but in order to get there I have to push myself to do a lot of work first.

I’m not certain that many people are familiar with the fact that drawing is fucking hard, and that it’s also a skill that you have to build on. Just like any skill, it takes a long time to perfect it, and even at a high level there are still things to learn and new things to do, and all of this can be achievable with a lot of practice at drawing the same things over and over again in order to get a simple gesture or a simple strand of hair the way that you want. Art is also very organic, and sometimes mistakes can lead to unique new quirks in a character design or a painting, but there would never be any mistakes to be made IF I NEVER HAD THE TIME TO DO ART IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Starting to get mad just thinking about it.

When people hear that I’ve been drawing, they expect a finished product, which usually I don’t have because when I say I’m drawing, I’m usually practising drawing a character or a costume or a pose. None of these ever get finished because they’re quick drawings where I try to capture the essence of what I’m trying to draw.

When people hear that I’m practising drawing, sometimes I get the, “I thought you knew how to draw” face. Just because I CAN doesn’t mean I’m GOOD ENOUGH SHUT YOUR FACE.

Sometimes people forget that I have to draw as much as I can as often as I can, and that I have to be drawing every single day to improve on my skill. It’s like learning to play a sport or even learning how to play Star Craft. I need as much practice as I can, and the thing with drawing is that after I learn how to draw one thing, there will ALWAYS BE ANOTHER FUCKING THING TO LEARN TO DRAW. But instead of going to a gym or taking lessons, I’m sitting at home with my headphones in hunched over a pile of papers, so obviously people don’t take that seriously when they assume that I’m free ALL THE FUCKING TIME BECAUSE ALL I DO AT HOME IS DOODLE LIKE A CHILD, especially since I haVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT AT THE END OF 5 FUCKING HOURS so OF COURSE I CAN DICK AROUND ALL THE TIME GO FUCK YOURSELF.

I think the biggest underlying problem with this is the fact that what I do is not connected to any institution, and therefore nothing I do on my own free time is significant enough to respect as a serious thing. I do not go to school, so I cannot tell people I’m drawing for homework. I do not work for anyone, so I cannot tell people I have to meet a deadline. I work basically for myself, and more or less for volunteer, and when it comes to that kind of art work people tend not to take the amount of effort involved very seriously.

But when it comes down to it I care about what I do a lot, or to be more accurate, I care about what I want to do a lot. Now that I’ve begun working on a project again, I’m trying not to get distracted by other things, but at the same time I can’t focus on that work constantly. Sometimes I need to take a break, and there is where another problem arises.

People see me when I’m taking a break because when I’m working I never socialize and when I take a break from it I tend to interact with people more often, so everyone only remembers the “me” that is not working, therefore I must not work. It’s the same fucked up parent logic whenever they burst into your room without knocking and catches you taking a break from your homework and assumes that you’ve been taking a break the entire time they were not in your room.





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